


We Need to Talk About Kevin

by Pineprin137



Series: Wincest Codas [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Angst, Coda, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode: s08e01 We Need to Talk About Kevin, F/M, Guilt, Guilty Sam Winchester, Heavy Angst, Kevin Tran (mentioned) - Freeform, Oh Season 8 how I hate you, Post-Purgatory Dean Winchester, get ready for the, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23727133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137
Summary: Sam lost Dean and found Amelia-- only to have his life turned upside down when Dean reappears on earth a year after they killed Dick Roman.Dean spent a year in Purgatory, searching for Cas and trying to find a way back to his brother. When he gets back, however, a lot has changed.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Wincest Codas [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671544
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	We Need to Talk About Kevin

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I've decided not to tag Wincest or Sam/Dean in this because things are rocky between them at the beginning of 8. So this fic focuses more on the feelings of betrayal and hurt between *brothers* not *lovers*. 
> 
> Please don't fret, though, I will get back to writing Sam/Dean soon enough ;)

The first thing that struck him was the wild look in his brother’s green eyes. Then, Dean tackled him to the ground. _Borax_ … _holy water_ … The deep slice to his arm took Sam by surprise-- He didn’t remember Dean being so intense. But his brother's laugh was the same and when Dean finally hugged Sam, it was exactly like he remembered. His eyes teared up and he clung to Dean just as hard. It felt so good to be in his big brother’s arms again. 

When Dean wrapped his arms around Sam, he finally felt whole. The piece that had been missing during the year in Purgatory slid into place and he could breathe again. Sam’s hair tickled his face and he noticed it was longer than before. Dean was happy he’d decided to clean up before meeting Sam. The fresh out of Purgatory look might have been a bit too much for his little brother to handle… 

Sam was understandably shocked. So Dean let him ask the questions and when the inevitable one was brought up, he shot it straight. 

“Well,” he started, “I guess standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to Purgatory.” 

Sam’s heartbeat faltered the minute the words came out of his brother’s mouth.  _ Purgatory…?  _ Dean wasn’t dead-- he was alive…  _ trapped in Purgatory _ . 

“You were in Purgatory?” he finally asked. Dean nodded solemnly.  “For the whole year?”  _ Please say no… tell me you’ve been lounging on the beach in Aruba with some hot waitress in a string bikini…  _

But Dean nodded a second time. “ _ Yeah. _ Time flies when you’re running for your life.” 

Sam swallowed, feeling sick. 

He’d been with Amelia, living his apple pie dream in Kermit and Dean? Dean had been fighting to survive in the wilds of Purgatory where every monster they ever killed was waiting to tear him apart. Dean had fought to get back to him and Sam-- He hadn’t even  _ looked  _ for Dean.

Dean opted not to tell Sam everything, purposefully leaving out Benny and Ca-- Dean could barely stomach the thought of what he’d done. 

How could he tell Sammy that he lost Cas? That it was  _ his  _ fault their best friend was lost forever. Not to mention the fact that some things were still fuzzy in Dean’s head. It had all blended together down there-- days into weeks… weeks into months… Dean couldn’t even recall how long ago he’d met Benny or when he started searching for Cas. It seemed like time had crawled during those first few hellish days but now… His time spent in God’s armpit was just a bloody blur splashed with black goo and feverish dreams. 

A heavy weight settled in Dean's chest when Sam tried to explain why he’d quit hunting, but he tried to listen. After all, he knew how it felt to be truly alone. After Stull Cemetery... He didn't blame his brother for floundering after he and Cas got flung into Purgatory. 

“I was truly alone!" Sam said, "And I didn’t exactly have a roadmap… So, yeah, I- I fixed up the Impala and I just drove…” He needed Dean to understand why he’d done it. The feeling of isolation he’d felt in those first few weeks, drowning him. When he mentioned the car , Dean looked straight at him, concern creasing his forehead. 

Dean pursed his lips. Surely, he'd heard his brother wrong. “... after you looked for me,” he suggested lowly, watching Sam’s face closely, seeking any small indication that he was misreading what Sam said. 

But then... there it was. In his brother’s eyes, he saw the guilt.  Dean hardened his voice even as his heart broke.  “ _ Did  _ you look for me, _Sam_?” he asked, hoping he was wrong. But he knew he was right. Sam wouldn't look at him, his head ducked to stare at the floor. 

For one year he’d fought to get back to his little brother, but as it turns out, Sam hadn’t even given him a second thought. Because apparently, Sam didn’t  _ need  _ him, not like he  _ needed _ Sam.  The hurt took over and he did what he always did… he lashed out, digging deep into Sam’s old wounds to make him feel his pain. 

“Good. That’s good. No, we- we always told each other  _ not  _ to look for each other…" He paused, turned away. "That’s smart. Good for you.” The big brother code berated him for causing Sam unnecessary pain, but Dean ignored it, twisting the knife even deeper. 

“--‘Course, we always ignored that because of our _deep_ abiding love for each other--But not _this_ _time_ , _right Sammy?_ ” 

Sam couldn’t even meet his eyes when he spoke. “Look-- I’m still the same guy, D--” 

Dean interrupted him. “Well, _ bully for you!"  _ He said, regret and betrayal visible in the depths of his eyes. "--I'm  _ not. _ ” 

Sam watched Dean storm out. The door slammed behind him and Sam felt his good mood vanish. 

Alone once again, he whispered to the empty room,  _ “... Welcome back.”  _

*

*

*

Dean tried to ignore the pleasant aroma coming from whatever the hell Sam was cooking at the stove, but after a few minutes, his stomach rumbled, showing interest. He grimaced. He’d barely kept anything down since getting back. Water was okay most of the time and he could somewhat handle plain toast, but anything with grease or spice just ended up in the john… But Sam wouldn’t know that because Dean hadn’t spoken a word to him since he'd returned from stewing. 

He’d taken comfort in the trees that surrounded the cabin, the quiet rustling of prey in the bushes. After a year in Purgatory, it felt more comfortable to him then the actual cabin did. He had to stop at one point to puke up the small amount of beer he'd drunk, but after wiping his mouth off with his sleeve, he'd sat by the river. Staring into the cold water, he’d let silent tears drip down his face. 

Rustling through the box of phones he found buried in Baby’s trunk, Dean sighed. He felt so damn betrayed-- By his brother  _ and  _ his body. 

“Want some dinner?” Sam called out, pulling Dean from his morose thoughts. He glanced over at the stove, saw a pot. Probably chili, if the can sitting on the counter was anything to go by…

Just the thought of swallowing the thick... chunky…  _ acidic  _ stew made him feel queasy though, so Dean shook his head. “I’ll pass,” he said.

Sam ate quietly at the table while Dean listened to the messages on the few remaining phones. Unfortunately, the tension between them only seemed to grow as the night went on. Until Sam glanced up from his bowl of chili to find Dean staring at him with the ultimate look of Big Brother Disappointment on his face. 

Frowning, Sam wondered what he’d done wrong. Figured he’d only have Dean back for a few hours before managing to screw up… 

“What?” he asked, wiping at his mouth in case that’s all his brother was trying to convey. Sam doubted it, but  _ one could hope…  _

Dean said nothing only glared at Sam as he removed his earbuds. He held up the phone so Sam could hear Kevin’s voice. Dean had already listened to all of the kid’s messages and probably could have paraphrased the important stuff for his brother, but honestly? He was  _ pissed.  _

Because  _ not only _ had Sam not looked for  _ him _ , he’d also left the kid to fend for himself. Kevin was out there...  _ alone _ \-- Angels  _ and _ demons hunting his ass and Sam hadn’t even cared.

_ “He was our responsibility,”  _ Dean growled, standing from the couch,  _ “and you couldn’t answer the damn phone. _ ” 

He chucked the phone at Sam, then- no longer able to stand the sight of his little brother- Dean walked into the bedroom. 

Holding the phone against his chest, Sam watched his brother walk away for the second time that day. He sat down at the table, feeling numb. Kevin had been  _ alone _ while he’d been with Amelia… Kevin had been alone and Dean had been stuck in Purgatory. The chili threatened to rise as guilt ate at him. After a while, he moved over to the armchair. 

Still clutching the phone in his hand, Sam stared at the closed bedroom door and wondered how the hell having Dean back could make him feel so alone… 

He had his brother back-  _ alive _ \- and yet, the pain he’d felt when Dean was gone was  _ nothing  _ compared to the growing pit in his stomach now that they were only separated by a flimsy piece of wood. 


End file.
